There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
