My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
