Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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