oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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