I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
