I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
