fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
