Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
