I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
