Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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