ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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