I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
