Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
