apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
