I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
