Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
