I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
