I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
