Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
