I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
