I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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