I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
