I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
