mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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