I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
