It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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