I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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