Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
