I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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