I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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