I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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