I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
