if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
