Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I bet he comes in French.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
