Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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