I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
