I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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