I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
