That's intense
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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