I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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