I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
