I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
