becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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