oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
