I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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