She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
