I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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