Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize