Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
