I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Randomize
