No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
