I'm lost and stupid without you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
