1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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