They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
