can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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