remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize