C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
