the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
