Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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