glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
