my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
