Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
