I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize